What will happen next for George W Bush?

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A Chimpplanet Parody

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"We've been in the shithouse now for 14 years."

"We've lived in the slums of Texas and the slums of Washington. It's going to be an interesting adjustment to live in a big mansion in some secret location."

George W Bush is likely to disappear completely from view. In an exit interview with XBC News last month, he hinted at a desire for a quieter life. "Maybe in Paraguay? I don't think they can extradite me from there, can they?"

"I'd like to live life without prison bars for a while. I think it's going to be real important for me to get off the stage. We got a new man coming on the stage - I wish him all the very best." he said. "I'd like to be able to start cussin' and drinking in public again. Not in the closet like for the last eight years."

No more torture.

Once that new man, Barack Obama, is sworn in, at midday on 20 January, as his successor, Mr Bush will cease to exist as president of the United States. He will become a hunted criminal and will have to hide accordingly.

"Maybe my old buddy Ken Lay will put me up, oops, did I say that?"

He gets to keep the title, as all former presidents do, but new titles like "criminal" and "murderer" will be added.

George W Bush will leave the corridors of power in Washington DC, and head to Paraguay, or Bimini, or his palace in the Green Zone of Iraq.

His soon-to-be neighbors are said to be delighted. As well as the prospect of seeing a former president pissing on a tree, or staggering home drunk or cursing at his body guards, security on the street will be guaranteed, as President Bush will continue to be protected by secret service agents for years to come.

And once he is installed in this hideaway, what does life have in store for the 43rd President of the United States?

He has already said he plans to work on his presidential library (he will be adding secret walls and secret passage ways and escape tunnels), and write a book like "My Pet Goat" which he enjoyed reading while the Twin Towers in New York were being destroyed.

All the signs are that the president will not be troubled by the fact he has yet to sign a deal for his memoirs. He's certain that once he's in prison, he'll get big bucks for his life story.

He has no urgent need of the money, as he still has millions of dollars in the bank from the sale of the baseball team he used to own, the Texas Rangers, in 1998. Plus, he will be getting kick backs (Bonuses and commissions) from all the companies he helped while being president.

"The truth is that George W Bush never really craved the limelight. He didn't seek out the presidency all his life the way other American politicians have," he said.

"I think it will not be as crushing a thing to lose that from his life as it might be for others. He'll disappear somewhat gracefully, hopefully, never to be found again."

The president has said he is confident he will adjust to life after Washington. Especially with the millions if not billions of Dollars he will be receiving.

His main focus will be the to stay one step ahead of the international court which will try to judge the various crimes to humanity he accomplished while president.

A former deputy assistant to Mr Bush, thinks the ex-president might aim to promote liberty and democracy around the world the way he did in Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia, Haiti and even in Palestine and Lebanon. This will bring him additional income from the Military Industrial Complex.

Aside from that, it is likely he will enjoy life outside the fast lane. He will see if a beard and maybe a darker skin will make it harder to find him.

He will continue to exorcise - something he is said to enjoy - and keep watching his favorite sports, like torture, hangings and guillotine and lethal injections. "I love watching them squirm during the final minutes.", he said.

He is the kind of person who knows when to let go.

"I don't think he's going to be in the spotlight unless he gets video taped roaring drunk and cursing at Laura like he now does in the White House. I don't think he's going to be an outspoken public critic as he can hardly now speak intelligently in public."

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