Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Sarah Palin Enters the Fourth Dimension


Just recently, it was announced that Sarah Palin’s new autobiography “Going Rogue: An American Life” would be coming out several months earlier than scheduled. It was also announced that this still unpublished book has hit number one on the bestseller lists. That’s impressive.

…You do still remember who Sarah Palin is, correct? Of course you do. If you don’t, here’s a magazine cover to jog your memory. It features Mrs. Palin herself, looking all sexxxy:

Hey! Sarah Palin… more popular than halibut! Isn’t that a nice magazine cover? Sure it is. “…But wait,” you’re saying to yourself. “I see all of these words together, but they do not make any sense. …Sarah Palin? Alaska? Governor? …I don’t understand. What the zurg?”

Well, good question, you! Except that “zurg” is not a real word, but I forgive you.

See, that magazine cover above is months old. Sarah Palin used to be the governor of a state called Alaska. Then she quit because the Alaskan wind was messing up her hair. If you don’t believe me, you can look up all of this stuff. “…No… no. I believe you. I think I remember… most of that.”

Sarah Palin is no longer the governor of anything. Instead, she is a mere rumor, a wisp, an idea, a thing floating along on the wind.

She embodies contradiction. She’s one of the most famous women in America, but she’s also one of the most invisible. You’ll notice, for instance, that this entire article about Sarah Palin will not contain a single quote from Sarah Palin. Why?

Because Sarah Palin no longer gives interviews, or talks to the media, or to reporters (even though she’s considering running for President¹ in 2012).

Why doesn’t she talk to the media? Because she hates it and she’s bad at it. Wait. …I’m sorry. I just loused up my metaphor there. Why doesn’t Sarah Palin talk to the media? Because she exists, and yet she does not exist. She is everything… and yet she is nothing.


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