Tuesday, November 13, 2018

CNN Reporter Jim Acosta Invited To Istanbul Saudi Embassy To Recover From White House Press Trauma


In a surprise announcement from the Saudi government their de facto ruler Clown Prince Irritable Bowel Syndrome has offered a short ‘rest and recuperation’ holiday to CNN journalist Jim Acosta.

In a press interview given by video link from Clown Prince IBS’s gold plated Jacuzzi, Prince IBS said, "I watched the whole thing on TV and was appalled at the embarrassing scene between my best friend Donnie and Satan’s spawn, Acosta. True, the mouthy arrogant trouble-making infidel dog pig should not have raised his eyes from the ground and gazed upon the anointed one, let alone dare to ask a question. But America is an enlightened society where freedom of speech is an essential element and a cornerstone of democracy. Here we would have cut out his tongue with a…"

At this point a dusky maiden wearing the skimpiest of bikinis stepped between the camera and the Jacuzzi and continued the interview on behalf of the Clown Prince.

"What his royal highness is trying to say is that we Saudis understand the difficult relationships that sometimes exist between a free press and those in power. It is right and proper that journalists be allowed to ask questions of those that govern us even though some of those questions may make those in power a little uncomfortable."

It should be mentioned at this point that Prince IBS could be heard shouting from the Jacuzzi, "He beat up that poor little intern in full view of the world’s press! Cut his balls off!" The Prince would have continued yelling out crap had he not been distracted by the arrival of a gold plated crate of ‘non alcoholic’ Champagne carried into the Jacuzzi by twenty scantily clad dusky maidens.

His scantily clad dusky spokes-babe continued, "The stress was clearly visible on Jim Acosta’s face at the time. Prince IBS was heartbroken. That’s why he is inviting Acosta to take a short holiday entirely at the Prince’s expense at our embassy in Istanbul. We hope he will accept the offer. We’ve arranged for sixteen vehicles, with their tracking devices immobilized, for him to use for sight seeing trips, should he come. Also, the Prince has arranged for ‘Jim Acosta’ lookalikes to walk around the embassy and nearby streets to reassure Acosta’s friends and family he hasn’t been chopped up and distributed around the local area in black plastic bags."

In anticipation of a positive response from Acosta, the Clown Prince has already released a string of advanced press releases to cover the event. These include the following:

‘Jim Acosta left our Istanbul embassy within an hour of his arrival. He was fit and well when he left.’

‘Jim Acosta fell ill on his arrival at our embassy, very ill. Unfortunately, we were unable to save him and he died. We have no idea what happened to his body. It may have gone in the garbage by mistake.’

‘Jim Acosta arrived at the embassy drunk and belligerent. He started a fight with the cleaning lady as soon as he got through the door. Fortunately, she beat him to death to protect herself. She may have put his body out with the trash.’

‘Jim Acosta arrived at the embassy in a suicidal mood, full of regret for his appalling behaviour towards the magnificent supplier of bombs and killing stuff His Highness Donald Trump. We had sixteen of our top security guys keep an eye on him in case he self harmed, but unfortunately, on a sneaky visit to the restroom, he strangled himself then used a hack saw to chop himself up into tiny pieces, put his remains into black plastic bags, then distribute them around the city in secret hiding places. Prince IBS is grief stricken at the loss of this great man and has promised ‘Donnie’ to do all he can for America by buying more bombs and killing stuff for his ‘little adventure’ in the Yemen.’




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