WHERE THE F**K DOES THIS ASSHOLE GET HIS CRAP?
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The 'Devil' Writes Pat Robertson A Letter
Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.
But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.
Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?
If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.
You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Best, Satan
~
2 comments:
Well, shit I could have told the dumb ass that. I've been trying to make a pact with the fucker from the dark for years now. Nada. Zip. Still without that Mercedes, villa on the Riviera, and still voting against anything Republican. So, hey Pat...there ain't no Satan, except in our hearts jackwad.
I do believe that Pat is the one who made the pact with the red crusader. Pat has expensive cars and gold mines in Africa and...
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