"What? I was Vice President of the US for eight years? What? My daughter is a lesbian and has a female husband and she had a baby with her? What??????"
After trillions of dollars are unaccounted in the Pentagon and after invading Iraq and Afghanistan and after giving tax breaks to the wealthiest Americans and after bailing out banks, Wall Street and US car-makers, there is no money left in the budget to take care of the American middle class and poor, say Republicans.
The secret CIA leader of the 9/11 conspiracy, Dr. Fred Dome, is having a chat with his Israeli Mossad counterpart in the New York slaughter, General David Star.
“David, even though I was in the entire planning of 9/11 for over 10 years, I still can’t believe how easy it was to fool the American public into believing that 19 dumb Arabs carried out the complex flying attacks on the Trade Center. Also, that there really exists an all-powerful terrorist group like Al-Qaeda and all run by a non-existent ghost called Osama bin Laden.”
“Well, Dr. Dome, these people do believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, so it wasn’t that hard for them to eat it all up.”
“Our strong ties to the popular Faux News Channel made it that much easier to convince the American sheeple that the Arabs who have never joined other groups could form such an umbrella group as Al-Qaeda.”
“I still believe we could have come up with a better name for this terrorist group, since all Arabs know it’s a big joke on the dumb Americans, since “Al-Qaeda” means “The Toilet”. And what up-and-coming terrorist group would want to be called The Toilet.”
“Yes, you are correct, General. Of course, to tie it all together, those Osama bin Laden tapes and videos we fabricated, in which he admits doing 9/11 and having an Al-Qaeda organization, really did the job.”
“I wish our buddy Osama had really survived past December of 2001 so he could have made original videos. Luckily, the American public does not believe in conspiracies and think all those 9/.11 truthers are bunkers.”
“Well, Doctor, just like we easily convinced the Yankees that Iraq and Afghanistan needed to be attacked, we should be able to convince them to sacrifice their young to invade that only nuclear power in the Middle East, Iran, even if that drunken Texan is no longer the US president, ha, ha, ha.”
“Finally, just one more day and over 20 years of planning will bring us into complete control of our nation and the world”, thought Dr. Fred Dome.
He was standing in front of a group of 100 men, all chosen over years of exhaustive background personal and psychological search to find the correct patriotic model.
All held very high positions within their fields. All the military services, all the branches of government, all the intelligence services were represented in these 100 men.
Each of these men had specific jobs coming to culmination in just another 12 hours, on the morning of September 11.
The planning had been exhaustive. Many public figures had no idea that they would each play an important part in this world-changing venture.
Dr. Dome represented the CIA and General Star represented Israel’s Mossad and Mr. Gold representing the Pentagon, standing in front of these 100 saviors of the American way of life.
They were meeting for one last time on the non-existent 13th floor of World Trade Center building seven.
They all had dual passports, travel documents and cash on hand to travel to hidden destinations throughout the world. All had access to unlimited wealth in offshore banks.
After this last meeting, they would be taken by helicopters from the roof of this building to various airports throughout the New York City metropolitan area including civilian airports in Long Island, New Jersey and Pennsylvania.
Of course, that’s what they thought. Dome, Star and Gold knew otherwise.
They would never leave the 13th floor of the WTC building seven. By tomorrow at 5:20PM, building seven would be their graveyard. The timers had been set.
As the three secret leaders of the New American Century stood in front of these American martyrs, a completely odorless gas was being discharged by the converted sprinklers in the ceiling of the large room.
The “Three” had special nose breathing apparatus and inoculations to prevent the fate of the “100”.
1. Wear clothing with the USA flag on it, like a dress, t-shirt or cap in red, white and blue. A flag lapel pin would top it off nicely.
2. If you have a private home, a US flag should always be visible. If an apartment, a flag should become your drapes.
3. Have a flag on your car, instead of your team banner. A bumper sticker with, “America, love it or leave it” would top it off.
4. Keep a close eye on your neighbors, especially if they are dark-skinnned and wear funny clothes, and report any unusual activities to the police or FBI.
5. Build a bomb shelter in your basement to protect you from the next nuclear attack from Iran or other Muslim countries that hate us for our freedoms.
6. Watch FOX News on a daily basis so you will know the latest terror alert and who America’s enemies are, besides our current president.
7. Send cash donations to Israel so they can protect us from Middle Eastern terrorists by exterminating all Muslims.
8. Actively oppose any new programs proposed by President Obama, no matter how great they sound. He is not one of us.
9. Ask your Christian Church to erect a statue to George W. Bush, as God spoke to him and so, he must be a saint.
10. Support a law that requires all employees to recite the “Pledge of Allegiance to the flag” before beginning their day of work.