The Jesus Of The Second Coming Will Be A Republican, Unlike His Predecessor

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By Chimp

Ever since George W.Bush was appointed President of The United States in 2001, God has been speaking only to wealthy, well-placed American Republicans.

God spoke to George W. Bush and told him to invade Afghanistan and Iraq.

In Stephen Manfield's 'The Faith of George W. Bush,' we learn that before his run for the presidency, Bush confided in evangelical leader James Robison about the vocation, saying: "I feel like God wants me to run for President. I can't explain it, but I sense my country is going to need me. Something is going to happen... I know it won't be easy on me or my family, but God wants me to do it."

Was God preparing George for the Second Crusade?

Maybe this was also his preparation and warning about 9/11? Or did God forget to warn him?

God also spoke to prominent wealthy Christian Republican preacher Pat Robertson and told him that the Devil destroyed Haiti with an earthquake a year ago. I guess the Devil won this time. Besides, Haitians are brown, poor and although Christian, mostly Socialists. Definitely not the Republican type.

"God has spoken to me," Republican Tom DeLay had said. "I listen to God, and what I've heard is that I'm supposed to devote myself to rebuilding the conservative base of the Republican party, and I think we shouldn't be underestimated." Too bad God forgot to tell Tom that he was going to prison for money laundering. Of course, Tom is white and rich so he may never really spend more than one day in jail.

Another Republican and not even a Christian, Mormon (moron?) Glenn Beck has said, “God is giving me a plan.” Too bad Fox is ready to fire him. Maybe God's plan involves something bigger than Fox?

Token black GOP (God's Own Party?) chairman Michael Steele said that God, “has placed me here for a reason."

Sharron Angle, who won Nevada's Republican Senate primary said, "I believe that God has been in this from the beginning and because of that, when he has a plan and purpose for your life and you fit into that what he calls you to, he's always equipped people." More proof that God must be a Republican.

An Associated Press story reported in January 2010 that "Sarah Palin believed that Sen. John McCain chose her to be his running mate in the 2008 presidential race because of 'God's plan,' according to a top political strategist in the Arizona Republican's campaign."

The Republican vice-presidential candidate has joined the rank of those highly controversial politicians such as George W. Bush who firmly believe that God speaks to them.

More than once, vice presidential candidate and ex governor of Alaska Sarah Palin has shown a habit of investing secular matters with religious meaning. A $30 billion gas pipeline in Alaska was "God’s will," the war in Iraq was a "task that is from God."

Too bad God forgot to tell her that a black Democrat was going to win the US presidency.

So, if you want to be a true and patriotic American, you must believe that God is a Republican. If you don't, then you must be a liberal, a communist, a terrorist, a traitor, or an idiot.

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