Full Text of President Bush's Emotional Farewell Speech Cataloguing His Unparalleled Competence and Intelligence

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THE PRESIDENT: Fellow citizens:

I know the only reason you all are tuned in is to watch nonstop coverage of that USAir plane crash in the Hudson River, so you can whip yourselves up into a fit of emotional masturbation, sobbing over "miracles" and "heroes" until the next little white girl goes missing.

(If you don't get the website right away - keep on trying)

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More PLANET OF THE CHIMPS

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